The Power of Words: Why Parents and Siblings Matter in Eating Disorder Recovery

Emily (Lived experience advocate of an Eating Disorder)

When I was sixteen, my world revolved around numbers. The calories I ate, the hours I exercised, the weight on the scale—each digit dictated my worth. What I didn’t realise then was that my eating disorder wasn’t just affecting me. It was shaping the lives of my parents and younger sister, Sophie, in ways I could never have imagined.

Recovery is often seen as a personal journey, but the role of family—especially parents and siblings—is crucial. The words they use, the way they respond to distress, and the understanding they offer can make all the difference between feeling supported and feeling alone.

The Power of Language

One of the most significant challenges for families is knowing what to say and what to avoid. Even well-meaning comments can be harmful.

I still remember the sting of my mother’s words one night at dinner: “You look so much healthier now.” What she meant as encouragement, I heard as: “You’ve gained weight.” It sent me into a spiral of shame and self-doubt. My dad, on the other hand, avoided the subject entirely, thinking it was best not to bring it up.

Neither of them intended to hurt me, but their words (or lack of them) had a profound impact. Families need to learn that comments about appearance, food, or weight—no matter how positive they seem—can trigger intense emotions. Instead, simple affirmations like “I’m proud of you for working through this” or “I know this is hard, but I’m here for you” provide reassurance without reinforcing harmful thoughts.

The Role of Parents: Providing Stability and Support

For many young people with eating disorders, parents become both a lifeline and a challenge. They walk the fine line between supporting their child’s recovery and feeling completely powerless. The most important thing parents can do is educate themselves.

Understanding the disorder is the first step. I wish my parents had learned earlier that my struggles weren’t about vanity or a phase I would outgrow. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions, not just about food or weight. Once my parents grasped this, their approach changed—they focused less on what I was eating and more on how I was feeling.

Parents can also create a safe environment by:

• Keeping mealtimes free of diet talk or body comments

• Setting a positive example with their own relationship with food

• Encouraging open conversations rather than making assumptions

Instead of “Just eat something,” my mum started saying, “I know this is hard for you, but I’m proud of the effort you’re making.” Those small shifts in language made a world of difference.

The Often-Forgotten Sibling Perspective

Siblings are often overlooked in the conversation about eating disorder recovery, yet they are deeply affected. My sister Sophie was only twelve when my disorder took over our home. She saw me refusing meals, she heard my late-night cries, and she absorbed the tension that filled the air.

At first, she was confused. Then, she was frustrated. “Why can’t you just be normal?” she once yelled at me after I refused to eat our Friday night takeaway. It wasn’t that she didn’t care—she just didn’t understand. And no one had taken the time to explain it to her.

When my parents finally sat Sophie down and helped her understand what I was going through, it transformed our relationship. She no longer saw me as selfish or dramatic. She became one of my biggest supporters, learning how to sit with me during tough meals and distract me with stories about her day.

Siblings need support too. They need space to talk about their emotions, ask questions, and express their own struggles. A sibling’s role in recovery isn’t about fixing the problem—it’s about being a constant, a friend, and a reminder that life exists beyond the disorder.

Creating a Family Culture of Support

If I could go back in time, I would tell my parents and sister that they didn’t need to have all the answers—they just needed to be present. The small things mattered most: the times my mum sat with me in silence when I was struggling, the times my dad took me for a drive to get me out of my head, and the times Sophie sent me silly memes just to make me smile.

Recovery isn’t just about the individual—it’s about the entire family learning, growing, and healing together. The way parents and siblings respond can shape a person’s journey in profound ways.

For any family navigating this path, know this: your words matter, your support matters, and your presence makes a difference. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is simply, “I love you, and I’m here.”